Last month, I went on a trip to Udaipur with my Psychology classmates. It was a trip I had enjoyed after a long time and it gave me a lot of new experiences. The most memorable one of all has to be the time when I felt like I missed my family for the first time.
I feel like I need to give you some backstory to this. I had graduated from high school back in 2015 and there were many times I lived away from my family since then but that was also the time when I was severely depressed. There were long spells when I would be alone in a room in Bangalore but I never felt like being with my family would make things better. I didn’t feel anything at the time so its natural that I didn’t miss my family anytime then. This trip to Udaipur (October, 2018) was the first time I was in a different city with no one from my family living nearby since my recovery started. I didn’t realize it was going to be a challenge but it was.
This challenge made me feel weak and vulnerable for some time but it also gave me a beautiful feeling alongside. It made me feel like things would be better if my family was nearby. The feeling that I would be calmer and more relaxed if my parents or dogs were nearby was alien to me until then. I realized how much I enjoyed visiting my sister each night and playing with my niece as we discussed superheroes. Probably for the first time in a long, long time, I called up my mom and told her I wanted to talk to her because I wanted to. Before that we would mostly talk to check up on each other or if there was something important to talk about, but not this time. This time, there was no clear point of the chat and it wasn’t for something important. It was just a casual chat that people have with parents to feel better. For me, the first one of these came a week before I turned 21.
I guess its better late than never and I feel its something which shows how far along I have come. Earlier, I would have thought that missing my family was a sign of weakness but now I realized that it was human. It is human to miss your family and it is brave to have the courage to accept it.