Have you ever thought how much a word can be? How much it can mean? What a simple arrangement of alphabets could end up conjuring? When you think about it, it really is amazing. People do amazing things with these words, they bring forward magic, the power of words or even a single word for that matter is unimaginable, something which can’t be measured. Words bring out emotions, memories, the imagination they enforce on the human mind, is truly one of John Keats’ Thing of Beauty.
You might wonder why I am going on and on about words today, after all they have been quite helpful to me. They have helped me come out about my depression, they have helped me stay regular and maintain a line of communication with the outer world through this blog. I respect their power, but today I am going to talk about how a single word can bring me to my knees. I am not going to reveal the word, just going to talk about it. I believe that it is fairly quite common that when you hear a word, and all the memories related to it come rushing back, everything about it, the good and the bad, the memorable and the unforgettable. The thing is generally, people manage to control all of it and get on with their lives. I, on the other hand, stop functioning altogether. I just can’t work after that, my mind starts wandering and I try my best to control my outward emotions in moments like those, but at times I can’t.
I know it may sound stupid, the last time people saw someone reacting that dramatically to a single word was in Batman vs Superman, when Bruce stops when he hears his mother’s name. Something that was laughed at by majority of movie goers as being unrealistic, stupid, forced and downright idiotic, but for me it was like looking into a mirror. There was a man, in his rage, he had gone past what he started out to be, he had lost his self control, broken to the point that he couldn’t even figure out the right from the wrong where even hearing one damned word stopped him from killing Superman. When I saw how people were reacting to this, I was even more ensured that I would be making a mistake if I talked about my problems with these people, they would laugh me off, probably calling me an idiot of sorts, but I took a chance and so far I can only say that the jury is still out, I wouldn’t say that it was the right decision or the wrong.
Words mean a lot, some more than others, there are a few words which mean enough to me to ensure an overreaction. I try hard, I may seem calm on the outside at such times but I have a storm raging on within me. I try my best to keep it within, but if it someday does come out, I apologize for it beforehand.