What Went Through My Suicidal Mind?

Published by knightofsteel on

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People often wonder what must be going on inside a suicidal mind. What could possibly go on in there? Why would a mind want to end its own existence? To the uninitiated these questions make sense because there isn’t a lot of Darwinian logic in suicide but it does happen and it has been happening for centuries.

I have tried to explain what was going on in my mind during those hellish 18 months when I was severely suicidal in my new video. This video was particularly hard to make because I had to recreate that mindset I had back then. I like to make my videos as realistic and as grounded as possible. It is an effort to make people feel what I felt and experience for a few minutes what every moment was like for me.

I also made it a point to counter all the thoughts I had when suicidal, with thoughts that took their place and helped me achieve peace. It will help other people who are struggling with similar thoughts and help them tackle these suicidal tendencies. I have discussed three main points that were the prominent ones when I was suicidal,

  • Feeling like a burden to those around me
  • Having an emotional numbness inside me
  • Thinking that my death now or decades from now would be insignificant to 99.99999% people in this world.

I remember the state of mind I was in immediately after recording this video. My mind was overwhelmed for a while but I fought hard to reclaim my inner peace. It reminded me of the fact that major depressive disorder is not something that is cured once and for all; it keeps coming back and it is up to me to emerge victorious every time it returns. Click on the link below to watch the video.

Make sure to leave your thoughts and feedback on the video or on this post so that I can understand your views. Like and share if you find it informative and helpful.


1 Comment

Sunita · October 21, 2018 at 8:25 AM

It’s a new experience to go through the mind of a person who is having suicidal thoughts,but your guidance will help many suffering from the disease and darkness.

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