Dante once wrote that there are 9 circles of hell, although he divided them on the basis of the vices that people indulged in, let’s just consider for a moment that the first circle was one of lightest punishment and the ninth was the one where punishment for your sins was the most severe. This is the story of my journey from the first to the ninth circle of hell over a few months and struggles to get out of it.
I talked about the room I believe myself to be stuck in, with the door which would have led to happiness and everything I have ever wanted, but the thing is, I don’t know whether the happiness that is outside is what I want, maybe I deserve to be in here, maybe this is a punishment for all the bad stuff I have done over the years and so on.
This line of questioning is in itself a punishment of sorts. Questioning everything you have ever believed in, and not being ready for the answers, that is a different hell all together. This is one of the first traps I faced when I tried to escape the room. It led me to believe that there was nothing on the other side of the door and all this hardship and troubles I am facing to get through is a useless trek with no destination.
I tried to contact a few friends to help me in this, but the only response I got was that many people go through this and that I should simply get over it. This led me to lose the hope that I could be helped and that my problem was something that needed help either. Just another trap to blind me from the fact that there was something on the other side of the door.
The fact remains, the traps worked, I was a blind man walking in a dark and silent room, with no sense of direction and no sense of purpose but I had not yet turned back to see monster of death staring right into me yet.
To be continued…