Hey everyone! Welcome back to my blog, The Knight of Steel. You may have noticed that I have not posted for a long time and there are many reasons for that. Some understandable and some troubling.
Between October and November, I had been getting a lot of speaking opportunities in different educational institutes like schools and colleges. I visited Jaipur for the very first time in November for a literature festival. I enjoyed these experiences a lot, learned loads of new things and made so many new friends.
After that I got caught up in the web of vivas and examinations. It is a crunch year for me since it is my final one in Bachelor’s of Applied Psychology. My performance will determine how well I do in my master’s. So that took up almost a month and a lot of mental energy from me. After that though, things have been…slow.
Everything seems to have slowed down. I am questioning my whole year and wondering if I even achieved anythign of substance. This is with the knowledge that I have achieved loads of great things this year. Releasing my second book, speaking in colleges, helping other people and so much more. Yet, there is this sense of uncertainty within. That nagging voice in my head is the loudest it has been this year and it is trying to downplay everything I have done this year.
Now I have questions of starting something new going in my head, maybe a podcast, maybe an organization. Most probably I will just start beign regular with my blog again. And try to make it more than what it is now. Maybe it is the lack of a short term project getting to my head. The road ahead seems unclear. Uncertainty breeds fear. Fear breeds doubt.
Yet, the only thing I know is that I will find that purpose again. I will conquer the voice in my head again. After all, it is a battle only I have to fight. A battle that everyone with clinical depression has to battle. Forever.