*This is a piece of satire and is not meant to be taken seriously in any form*
TOP 5 WAYS TO GET OVER DEPRESSION
BY- PROF. PUPIN MAPANTS
Ever felt depressed? Ever felt the morning blues and told yourself how depressed you are? We all know what depression is right? Just being very sad for a little bit of time is depression. Well worry no more because we have now researched across the internet to bring you the 5 best ways to stop being depressed. These are so easy that you will ask yourself, how could anyone ever be depressed?
- Be Happy.
Just be happy man; I mean just… don’t be sad. It’s so simple. Just like, look at yourself in the mirror and stop being sad and be happy. If you wanted to be happy, you would be happy. You claim to be depressed only because you are sad and not happy. Turn that frown upside down and be happy.
Life is too short to be sad, so just be happy instead and always remember that life is very long so you will be sad at sometimes and happy at others. Just ignore that I just called life both short and long in the last sentence. Time is relative. We are all just cockroaches moving towards a giant black hole. What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, just be happy.
- Always remember that others have it worse than you.
It could always be worse. Why are you depressed when other people are not, even though I have not talked to any other people and hence can’t logically give an appropriate statement but still! Soldiers are dying at borders, farmers are going through a drought and killing themselves which maybe because of the severe depression they have and the stress they face over not being able to pay off their loans and soldiers are prone to suffering from PTSD and being mentally traumatized for their whole lives but here you are being depressed.
If other people are sadder that means you can’t be sad, your feelings are valid only if you are the highest amount of sad. Moreover you should be happy with what you have, just because other people are happier than you, it doesn’t mean you can’t be happy. So just to recap, if other people are sadder you can’t be sad but if other people are happier, you can be happy. See! It makes perfect sense.
- Be aware of the fact that it is just in your head.
I mean sure people call it a mental illness and your mind is in your head, so it would make a lot of sense to tell you it is just in your head. After all, telling people the anatomical position of their problems has always helped heal them. I once met a man in the mountain who told me that he healed a person’s gall stones just by telling him that they were under his liver. He was an amazing man and always liked to keep some green stuff around. Sometimes he would smoke it before telling me his stories. I wonder what that was. So just know that it is in your head. It will always help you. If you know someone who has a broken leg or any other problem just tell them that their leg is broken. It may seem pretty obvious but the powers that obviousness has are well known.
- Stop being lazy and go out more.
Just change your locations man. Just move to a new home, new city, new country, new planet. You could try any of these things. All of these will help in their own way. You are sad and the best way to not be sad is to work towards not being sad. You need to be hard working for that and lazy people just use depression as an excuse to hide their failures. It is not as if the failures happened because of the depression but the other way around. If you feel depressed in your home, go somewhere else, and feel depressed there. It may not help much but at least you will get to look at all the other happy people leading their happy lives which would not make you feel even worse about yourself at all.
- Be positive.
You need to be more optimistic about your life. You cannot always be negative. Of course, some people would tell you to be realistic, but why be realistic when you can live in a fantasy world of your own. So what is the big deal that you lost your family in a car crash, are ridden by mountains of debt and have no motivation or reason to live? Just be positive man. Just blindly ignore all the shit going around you and live in a bubble. As a wise man once said, “A bubble never blows up; it is the safest place to be in.”
So this was my comprehensive list of ways to not be depressed. Just follow these steps and you live a totally healthy and fulfilled life. After all, if you can’t achieve your original dreams, just change them and claim to have achieved them so you can feel better about yourself. This is the permanent and most effective way to rid you of any mental illness. There is no other way better. Many sites will try to claim they have the best solution but my solution is the best solution the world or time has ever seen. It is the greatest solution ever. Thank me later. Pupin Mapants out.
Hey everyone, it had been a long time since I posted something about my issues with how mental health is treated in most societies. It had been such a long time that for a moment I had actually started believing that people had changed their perception but I realize now that there is still a lot of work for me to do. Writing articles online may not be the most effective way but it is what I have at the moment given the amount of time and resources I have currently. The above myths and assumptions are still prevalent in large parts of not only my country but the world itself. I may try my best to raise awareness but I really cannot do it without some participation from my readers. It could be a simple share, a recommendation or a suggestion but I need some people to help me get my message to a larger audience.
I may be repeating myself at times but it is only because we always need a constant reminder of everything that could be better in the world so we can always know what our aim is. Everything Mr. Pupin Mapants wrote above is something that people think about depression but is not true. Mr. Mapants may continue to be a writer with the blog and I look forward to more of his precious thoughts.
I cannot do anything if I don’t remember what I want to do and I cannot do anything if I try to do it alone.
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