The Dog Blog: An Open Letter to Max, From Kal.
It was about 2 months ago that I saw you for the first time. You were so small and fluffy that I first thought you were a toy for me from my humans. It was until I tried to eat you and you squeaked like a little coward did I realize that you are also a part of our pug family.
Even though you were alive I tried to play with you and pushed you around whenever I wanted and it was fun because I was the alpha pug in the house. It was all going well until one day you decided to grow up and discovered that your teeth could be used to annoy me. You are tiny but you seem to pack a lot of punch. I would almost commend you if you didn’t annoy me so much. You grab me by my sweater and try your best to get it off. If I try to chase you, you hide in one of those little crevices and stay there until I sleep. Once I sleep, you come back and bite me again and again. You are like a mosquito you know, tiny and irritating. The senior is supposed to be respected and enjoy privileges, where as you eat all my food, drink all my milk and soon you will occupy the places I sleep in. You pee on my blankets, shit on my floor and if that’s not enough, you try and bite my tail off. If I try and retaliate you start crying like a little puppy that is so innocent that he doesn’t know why his big brother is beating him. You know you should be thankful that I don’t go rougher on you, there are some species in the animal kingdom where I would have eaten you whole for the stuff you have done and I would have considered a brave hero for doing so. You should be thankful, Max. You should be thankful. You really need to tone down the biting as well.
You have some sharp teeth and I swear by the old pugs and new that if you don’t stop biting me I will make you eat a whole shoe. I am the king of the house you little, tiny cotton ball. Even the humans sit according to where I want them to sit. If I want to sit on the couch, I WILL SIT ON THE COUCH. Irrespective of who is sitting their currently. These humans run around me, their worlds, cleaning schedules, beds, sleeping patterns and all of them, they happen when and how I want them to happen. I am the Supreme Being and I am the all powerful. Respect me Max or face my furry, I repeat for you because you have poor vocabulary and language comprehension skills, Respect me Max or you will face my furry.
Tails will be wagged Max
Urine will be flown,
Nails will be sharpened Max.
Respect me Max or face my furry
Face My Furry
Your lovely, amazing, supreme, intellectual elder brother