Self Harm. #AtoZChallenge

Published by knightofsteel on

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What is Self Harm?

Self harm is a difficult topic to talk or write about. It is hard to write in words what goes on in the mind of a person who harms him/herself. It is hard to not make the victim seem crazy while not promoting or glorifying self harm itself. I am going to try my best at describing what it is like what goes in our minds to the general public and to anyone reading this, I will also give you some tips on how to avoid harming yourself in case you cannot control it by yourself. So I will begin with some individual anecdotes, move on to the perception of it by the normal people and then talk about what (If any) is the appropriate response when you see something like this on the body of someone. I will end with some tips on how to avoid harming yourself and replacing it with other stuff.

My Experience.

People mutilate themselves for many reasons, some to relieve emotional pain, to feel something, to tackle the numbness within themselves or as a punishment for themselves out of guilt. Self mutilation is basically defined as breaking the skin resulting in bleeding.  When people have talked to me about their personal experiences with self harm, the most common reason I have heard for doing so is to relieve the emotional pain because they couldn’t see any other way out. The sight of blood oozing out of their skin makes them feel relieved which could be caused by the endorphins released in our brains whenever we cut ourselves.

The cuts are generally superficial although the degree of depth may vary in different people depending on the state of mind the victim was in while doing it. I have had experience with self harm myself. Over the last 15-18 months, I have had a lot of experience with self mutilation. I used various different means at times and some marks were so deep that they can still be seen on various parts of my body. Most of the scars faded away, leaving just a slight tan against the rest of the skin which will eventually fill up, a few were deep enough to leave a permanent scar and they are all over my body, my abdomen, my forearms and my shoulders. These are going to stay with me now, so I might as well learn to be comfortable with them.

I wouldn’t exactly say I am embarrassed of these scars, I was in a really bad state of mind when I got them and they do serve up as a constant reminder to me on how bad things could have gotten and how much better I am now. They also serve as a reminder to not make the same errors I made previously and be better at managing and controlling my own thoughts.

Perception.

When people see someone else with scars on their arms, or any other body part, there are a lot of things that instantly pop up in their head. This is something that is totally natural and should be expected from anyone seeing it for the first time. There are some misconceptions I would like to clear up at this point. People who self harm are likely to be suffering from a mental disorder, like depression or anxiety or BPD but calling them “crazy” or “dangerous” is not helpful to anyone involved. If you are scared of triggering the person by saying something wrong, keep the words limited. Choose your words carefully and be careful with how you say them. Prioritize face to face interactions over messaging or voice call as you can’t really see or perceive a person’s emotions with these methods. If you can, try and be available to these people even though they don’t really talk back to you. Let them know you are there, and constantly keep reminding them of the same.

For Every Self-Harmer:

To anyone who does harm themselves at regular intervals, this paragraph is for you. Cutting yourself does seem like a good option as it relieves us of the pain and then at most times doesn’t leave many permanent marks so why not just cut yourself? There are many reasons why the relief provided by cutting does not lead to any good. The relief that you feel is temporary and the pain will come back no matter what, in a short while. Moreover the secret of self harm is something that makes us more isolated and detached from society. We are constantly afraid of contacting someone, for they may judge us and people are constantly afraid of talking to you in case something they say hurts us and we become even more detached. The relief you feel is because of the endorphins released in your brain which develop a resistance over time. So the more you cut yourself, more you will have to cut the next time to feel relieved, this could lead to serious injuries even if you don’t  want them.

Coping Techniques.

Now coming to the coping techniques for self harm, there are various ways to seek help, or to be helpful to yourself.

  • Confide in someone. Pick a person you believe is compassionate and caring enough to listen to your problems and help you through them. Tell them about your feelings but also be careful to be patient with them. They may not understand on the first go or may panic, it is up to you to give them some time to process this stuff and come up with a response.
  • Contact a hotline service or seek therapy. There are many help lines all over the world to deal with these issues. Call one and talk to a stranger without any fear of judgment.
  • Pick up a pen and draw something on yourself instead of cutting. It does help and this is something I drew on my left arm a few days ago. It is basically a distraction and any or all distractions are helpful in this case.20170609_140748
  • Write down a journal or diary, video or audio journals work just fine as well. Document your thought process at these times and device new ways to tackle your problems when they return at a later time

Self harm is not something that is ideal, but it doesn’t mean people who do this need to be shunned from the society as a whole. We can make things better, we just have to maintain hope and be available to help anyone, whenever and wherever it is.

Help Lines In India.

If you reside in India, here are the various help lines you can contact when you feel like you need some help

Befrienders India – National Association 
c/o Sneha, 11 Park View Road
R.A.Puram
600 028
Chennai
Website: befriendersindia.org

Centres

Lifeline Foundation 
17/1A Alipore Road
Sarat Bose Road
700 027
KOLKATA
Hotline: +91 33 2474 4704
Hotline: +91 33 2474 5886
Hotline: 2474 5255
Website: education.vsnl.com/n4h/

AASRA 
A-4, Tanwar View, CHS,
Plot NO – 43, Sector 7
Koparkhairane
400 701
NAVI MUMBAI
Contact by: Face to Face  – Phone  – Letter:
Hotline: +91 22 2754 6669
Hours:
 Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun: 09:00 – 21:00

MAITREYI 
255 Thyagumudali Street
605001
PONDICHERRY
Contact by: Face to Face  – Phone  – Letter:
Hotline: +91-413-339999
Hours:
 Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun: 14:00 – 20:00

ROSHNI 
1-8-303/48/21 Kalavathy Nivas,
Sindhi Colony
S.P. Road
500003 A.P.
SECUNDERABAD
Contact by: Face to Face  – Phone  – Letter:
Hotline: +91 40 7904646
E-mail Helpline: help@roshnihyd.org
Hours:
 Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat: 11:00 – 21:00

Saath 
B12 Nilamber Complex
H.L. Commerce College Road
Navrangpura
380 006
AHMEDABAD
Hotline: +91 79 2630 5544
Hotline: +91 79 2630 0222

SNEHA 
11 Park View Road
(Near Chennai Kaliappa Hospital)
R.A. Puram
600 028
Chennai
Contact by: Face to Face  – Phone  – Letter:
Hotline: +91 (0) 44 2464 0050
Website: snehaindia.org
E-mail Helpline: help@snehaindia.org
24 Hour service:

The Samaritans Sahara 
Sir J-J. Road
Byculla Bridge
400 008
MUMBAI
Contact by: Face to Face  – Phone  – Letter:  – E-mail:
Hotline: +91-22-2307 3451
Website: mumbainet.com/health/samarita.htm
Hours:
 Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri: 15:00 – 21:00
 Sat, Sun: 10:00 – 21:00

Sumaitri 
1 Bhagwandas Lane
Aradhana Hostel Complex
Basement
110 001
NEW DELHI
Contact by: Face to Face  – Phone  – Letter:
Hotline: 2338 9090
Website: sumaitri.org
Hours:
 Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri: 14:00 – 22:00
 Sat, Sun: 10:00 – 22:00

MAITHRI – Cochin 
Ashirbhavan Road
Kacheripady
Ernakulam Kochi
682 018
Kochi
KERALA
Contact by: Face to Face  – Phone  – Letter:
Hotline: +91 239 6272
Website: maithrikochi.org
E-mail Helpline: maithrikochi@yahoo.co.in
Hours:
 Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun: 10:00 – 20:00

 

 


21 Comments

Sunita · April 20, 2018 at 9:21 PM

This is really marvellous to see what happens in the mind of a person.self harm is not easy as you sounded ,even a small paper cut hurts,not to talk about cuts so deep to leave a scar. Thanks

Anagha Yatin · April 20, 2018 at 9:49 PM

Such an honest, hard hitting post Arjun. Kudos to you for taking the matter up the sleeve. I respect you for your honesty and sincerity towards increasing the awareness about Mental health and helping out those struggling with it.
More power to you young man!!!

    knightofsteel · April 21, 2018 at 7:02 AM

    Thank you so much Anagha! I’m trying my best trying to make a difference.

Be the energy you want to attract! · April 20, 2018 at 11:25 PM

I love this.

    knightofsteel · April 20, 2018 at 11:26 PM

    Thank you 🙂

syncwithdeep · April 21, 2018 at 1:04 AM

U have this experience Arjun. I did this to me having lost my 8 months old baby to the toilet bowl. i can never forgive myself for this as it haunts me everyday. i though by writing this incident i will come out of the darkness, but it still sinks me deep inside. i know how it is when u self harm. that moment will be a relief but u cant get out of the pain for days. well written post. glad i read this.

    knightofsteel · April 21, 2018 at 7:01 AM

    That’s so horrifying to hear Deepa. To actually go through it must have been even worse. Are you in a better shape now?

      syncwithdeep · April 21, 2018 at 7:07 AM

      Yes better.. But still I feel low sometimes when that incident haunts me. Thanks arjun

      knightofsteel · April 21, 2018 at 8:06 AM

      I understand that Deepa, if you feel like you need to talk to someone you can ok?

      syncwithdeep · April 21, 2018 at 8:08 AM

      sure arjun. thanks a lot

    Monika · April 21, 2018 at 11:09 PM

    That’s shockingly sad …how come you lost your 8 month old baby in toilet bowl

      syncwithdeep · April 21, 2018 at 10:33 PM

      You can read one of my posts here in the challenge. G for guilt. I have said about that. I want to come out of that.

syncwithdeep · April 21, 2018 at 1:04 AM

** read it as I. typo

Akshata Ram · April 21, 2018 at 5:13 AM

Kudos for writing about this and showing us the real picture which is so different from the perceived one. I remember reading one on similar lines by you earlier

    knightofsteel · April 21, 2018 at 7:00 AM

    It was actually the same one with a few edits. I thought it would be a suitable inclusion to this month’s roster. Glad to see that you remembered 🙂

Ann · April 21, 2018 at 6:17 AM

Thank you for sharing such a personal experience. It was very insightful. You offered good advice about what to do instead of self-harm.

LeeSoyer · April 21, 2018 at 10:20 AM

Great tips and a good way to communicate the stigma that surrounds this self-destructive behavior.

    knightofsteel · April 21, 2018 at 10:31 PM

    Thank you!☺️

Neha · April 21, 2018 at 12:24 PM

If this was so difficult for me to read, because I kept trying to put myself in your shoes, I wonder how difficult it must have been for you to write it…But thank you for writing about this, I am sure it will help a lot of people going through a difficult time. http://www.tobetterlives.com

    knightofsteel · April 21, 2018 at 10:33 PM

    I hope it helps someone. It wasn’t very easy to write because I had to make sure I had substance without glorifying the issue.

An@m! · April 23, 2018 at 8:32 AM

This is a very informative post Arjun. I can very well understand this as I was once it that phase. Depression is such a terrible thing. I hope i can be this open in sharing my inner secrets 😛 Thanks for sharing this.

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