Self-Destruct?

Published by knightofsteel on

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Hey everyone, I have been trying very hard to update my blog daily this month and I am afraid I won’t be able to continue with that for the day. A lot of things have been happening parallely and I find myself struggling with my thoughts once again. I will try my best to regain control and calmness as soon as possible with as little damage as possible

I have a tendency of going on a self-destruct rampage when I start struggling a lot. I don’t know whether it is my mind pushing me to do these things or is it just who I am. The flashbacks I used to have have been more severe in the last few days and my thoughts seem to be falling for my Borderline Personality traits once again. It is hard for me to accept that I need help whem things get this bad but I am writing this by going against every single instinct in my body which is telling me not to write anything.

There is no real purpose of writing this but I just think that maybe sharing it might help once again like it did last time. I wasn’t very optimistic then; Even after all the support I got I don’t feel optimistic now either but this might be what is considered a call for help because this time it is more severe than it was in the past 6 months. Probably the worst things have gotten since then. I won’t share this on a lot of social media, probably because I’m embarrassed to be asking for help even though it has been so long since I started recovering but it is something that might end up helping me. I will try and pin-point what led to this downward trend and until then I will just need some verbal support or something. I don’t really know what I need either so that doesn’t help a lot but anyway this is just meant as a means to share my current struggle with the world and nothing more.

Thank you for reading.


11 Comments

Nav · September 19, 2017 at 9:50 AM

I cant find the right words to say. It can be frustrating when you dont understand why it is happening. But you will get through this and I am always here to help.

Nav · September 19, 2017 at 9:51 AM

I cant find the right words to say. It can be really frustrating when you dont know why it is happening. But you will get through this and I am always here to help.

amy · September 19, 2017 at 4:46 PM

I feel your struggle. It’s really not easy to ask for help and be vulnerable… with or without BPD. Kudos for putting this out there. Remember: thoughts are not facts, thoughts are just thoughts. Good luck๐Ÿ‘

Pradeep Swami · September 19, 2017 at 8:34 PM

Dear ! Salute to ur struggle…but climax abhi baki h๐Ÿ‘๐ŸฟAll d Best๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฟ

N D.Gupta · September 19, 2017 at 11:07 PM

Just be regular with medicines. Anything u want to share , I can sit with you anywhere and anytime. Donโ€™t let those thoughts prevail upon you this time.

sunita · September 20, 2017 at 4:54 AM

Superman can’t be weak. He has to be strong.AND HE WILL BEEEEE.

Danisha Nathyala · September 22, 2017 at 12:08 PM

i am just glad you vent it out and expressed it. i think it might have made you 1% lighter in your thoughts. whatever it is , ts not as important as your mental health. Do you brain breaths. so in situations like these, simply take long breath and help your brain to relax. also if you smoke try to quit it , its a hurdle in brain breath.

i dont know the problem so giving you all kind of practical scientific suggestion, try this. try to be strong , i know its not working, but no harm in try and dont give up. its just a phase and you ll grow out of it soon.

    knightofsteel · September 22, 2017 at 12:10 PM

    Thank you for the suggestion. ๐Ÿ˜Š
    I wish it was as simple as that, breathing helps for about 5 minutes but not long and I don’t smoke or drink so that is out of the picture. I continue to tell myself that this too will pass but for it to pass I need to work as well.

sushmitamalakar · September 22, 2017 at 10:34 PM

The self destruct rampage is something I can relate to. At times, you just feel that there is no control on your life. You just watch the movie of your life as a spectator rather than being the actor. But any time, if you seek help โ€“ a listener or a shoulder to cry on โ€“ please feel to reach out. Talking to anonymous people is always helpful.

Take care ๐Ÿ™‚

    knightofsteel · September 22, 2017 at 11:56 AM

    Thank you!๐Ÿ˜Š These episodes come and go and all support I get is helpful.

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