I have come a long way in the last 9 months. I have tried and document my journey on this blog but I don’t know how successfully I have managed to do that. Today is a day of self reflection for me and I welcome you to be a part of my thought process with me.
I have always been a very competitive person. I have competed with my past self and with my classmates for as long as I can remember. It has made me who I am today and I had a long streak of beating my past self until that time came when I had to admit defeat against myself. Since then I have noticed that I have gone a bit lax in my competitiveness. I have lost my edge and seem to be relaxing more rather than trying to push myself. Of course this ensures that my mental health remains intact indefinitely. I mean I wouldn’t be at the risk of breaking down if I don’t step out of my comfort zone at all.
Today, I decide that this has gone on for too long. I have been too relaxed about everything that is going on in my life. I have noticed that my blog quality seems to be declining steadily from what it used to be and I everything else has been declining as well. I have become so averse to pushing myself that I have forgotten how good I was. I have forgotten that the one thing that used to set me apart from the crowd was my intolerance for anything mediocre, anything average or anything that isn’t of the best quality that I am capable of. It ends now, I guess I now have that push and energy from within to get back to the heights that I was used to. A few days ago I had talked about how I am getting back into the race of life and how I have a lot of catching up to do. Well today I realize that it will not be as easy as I assume it to be. I will have to push myself and strive to become a smarter, fitter and better person than the one I was yesterday.
I know this may end up putting me at risk of having a relapse of my depression but I cannot sit down and look around as people pass me by; afraid of what would happen if I have a relapse. It is a risk but what even is the point of all this recovery if am not open to taking risks that could end up making me a better version of myself.