I Am Not Perfect.
I am not perfect.
I don’t even come close to it. There are so many flaws I see in myself that I forget to see my strengths. I have a lot going in my professional and personal life to handle it all alone right now. It felt like I needed an outlet in order to feel better.
I feel that there is a perception that there isn’t a lot wrong in my life and everything is going smooth but that is not so. It hasn’t been as it was at one point but it isn’t all roses either. It is important that I show my vulnerabilities and lows as well in order to be truly open about my life. After all, we only see our glamorized lives on social media.
So, I have had a lot going on since the past month. I haven’t been able to manage my time properly, or so I was told. It felt like I was always running out of time or that I didn’t have enough of it. It always felt like a race against time. It didn’t feel very nice. At first, I liked it. I liked how busy I was and how I was always occupied with one thing or the other. Then, I got tired. I still didn’t have time for so many things but I was getting tired.
I started writing my second book at the same time. This one is going to be twice the size of the previous one and much more informative. So now I had a book and a YouTube channel to create content on. I also had to keep up with college and give everyone close to me enough time. It never seemed to happen.
My self-esteem and confidence suffered. I felt like I had to do more work and be better than I was. It also marked the time when I started getting obsessed with my numbers. The number of views on my videos, my blogs, the number of my books sold and my marks. It always felt like everything was going down and nothing was where it should have been.
Right now, I find myself with a mountain load of work from college that needs to be submitted. I have work with the My Friend Alexa campaign I am participating in and also catch up on all the classes I missed. This is compounded by the hard break-up I am going through and my lack of physical activity. I feel anxious and guilty very often but not necessarily very intense.
I won’t say it is very bad or something I cannot control but I felt it was important I shared this with everyone. My life isn’t perfect and neither am I and that’s okay.
It just shows that I am just like you, a human.