A Beautiful Lie.
“…in my dreams, they took me to the light, a beautiful lie.”
We all find ourselves in a tunnel of sorts at some stage in our life, we are always struggling with something and always trying to fight our evils. We all go through this, it is just a matter of how much fight we have within ourselves and what is the size of the evils we are fighting.
It has been a few months since I asked the general public for their help, years since I talked to my friends about it. I see the light of my happiness at times when someone comes to me to talk, but as soon as they start talking I only see the darkness of their words. I have talked about this before, and I will talk about this again and again, people need to know, they need to know that their words have an effect and that words can have everlasting meaning to others
When I updated my status on facebook on that fateful day, I saw hope, people were kind and supportive. A few were willing to help, they used sweet words, but when the time came, as I have said before, few actually showed up. My old friends did not even send a message of approval or support. I have shared all of this on a previous post as well.
People were refusing to read my article on suicide, they said it was too hard to read it, they were wondering why I was even writing on such issues. I will tell you why I was writing stuff like I ended up writing, Why my thinking developed in such a way that I now think that no matter what relationship you have, it will end up being forgotten and it will make no long lasting effect on any life ever. The reason I believe that the only way relationship could end is on bad terms or death. There is no other way around it, and I believe this stuff to be true, not some fringe thought that I have, this is how my mind works,
and I CAN’T EVEN CHANGE IT WHETHER I WANT TO OR NOT, I HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT!!
2 years ago, I shared that I had feeling depressed and I needed help with one of my close friends, their response was what changed my thinking slowly but surely, this friend I am talking was someone I had been close to, someone I considered my best friend and when I told them this, the response was,
” Well, everyone goes through stuff like that, it happens with everyone.”
Although this came as a bit of a shock to me I slowly avoided trying to talk to the same person about the same thing over and over again. So I went to a few other friends I had. I had been a good guy most of my life and thought now in my though time I will find some people willing to help me, but nope. I got similar responses from everywhere I went and slowly I receded talking to anyone and now I have been forgotten, I don’t even seem to exist for them, they were close friends, some of the best I had ever made and I was simply forgotten and moved on from, with no issues faced and no problems suffered. That is how I learned that when it comes to any type of relationship, that stuff is always going to temporary, none is different from the other, all of them will be forgotten with minimum damage. I know I need to get away from these thoughts but thanks to my closest friend and a few others, this stuff seems to be embedded way too deep in my mind and I cannot get rid of that, I am tired of asking for help or expecting something helpful from anyone, and that is okay, maybe just expressing it will help me deal with it.
As the title goes, Every relationship in the world is nothing but something which makes us feel better about ourselves and gives us a sense of security in this world, it takes to the light at the end of the tunnel we all find ourselves inside but in the end it ends up being what it always was,
A Beautiful Lie.