It is pretty quiet isn’t it?

Silence is something which many people wish to achieve in their life but rarely can. It is seen as another form of peace and people usually try their best to be in places as quiet as possible to have some peace of mind. All these blank lines must have made you ask some questions to yourself. Did I load the wrong page? Is there some error in the website? Some may have even given up after a few scrolls for a lack of patience. Silence, or a lack of noise, makes us ask questions. It gives the clean slate to our mind that it needs in order to get inquisitive about things. When we are not fed any information from outside, we start looking for it. Human species has evolved itself to always be looking for new information and data to analyze. When this data is taken away, we start questioning our core thoughts and beliefs which led us to this never ending pursuit of knowledge.

We live a noisy world. Every place is a source for some sort of sound. Some sounds are pleasant to us, we call it music, some sounds are just incoherent and disturbing and we call that noise. Silence on the other hand is seen more as a goal rather than another step on our destination. Many people just wish to have some silence in their life which they can convince themselves is a form of peace. We lie to ourselves and that is something that is another human trait that people wish to ignore but it is one that is embedded deep in our psyche.

Silence in my personal opinion is overrated. I see it more as a trap rather an escape. It is like the web of a spider which attracts the fly into it and once the fly is stuck there is no way it can escape. Silence is what entraps many of us in itself and makes us slowly lose our will and ability to communicate. There was a long time when I used to believe that silence is what keeps me away form a lot of drama in my life. I saw it as a virtue; it was only slowly that I realized the many flaws in my understanding of silence. When I stay silent for a long time, I later find it difficult to determine what exactly is worth my effort to speak. I just ask myself before saying anything, is it really going to make a difference? This is what made me slowly cut away from my friends back when I was just at beginning of my depression stages. I thought I was doing something wise; speaking only when necessary and not getting into petty talks. It was one big mistake. Slowly I started thinking whether it was really necessary I spoke. I would say only about 200 to 300 words a day, that included the words I said while texting with someone on my phone or online. I was quiet, completely quite. It started well in the beginning. I had some peace of mind, I had more time to think about the various intricacies and complexities of our existence and I was able to think of some questions which I had not gotten an answer to. Everything has a honeymoon period and within 2 months, my honeymoon with silence was over. My mind had taken control of my thought and I had been silent for so long that I couldn’t tell my mind when to stop thinking about something. It took me about 20 months after that to regain control of my mind and the price I paid for being silent is something that I have always talked about openly. Silence is dark. It sucks you in and then doesn’t let you escape. It is good only in small amounts because the moment you lose control over your thoughts is the moment you lose your mind.

It is like being a zombie who is just looking for reasons to be unhappy. A piece of dead meat being driven around by a mind on rampage to thwart away any possible happiness I could have. There are many facets to silence, I am not going to deny it is not good at times but what I do want to stress is that one must always be careful of it. Too much of it and you could end up hating socializing altogether which sounds good for the short term but ultimately there will come a time when you are old, with no friends surrounded by people who know who you are but don’t really know who YOU are. It makes your life miserable to the point you even start hating the voice of your mind constantly chirping away and you come to a point where you wish to silence your mind as well with whatever it takes.

Silence is not peace, ignoring something is not the same as eliminating it. Whenever you feel you need to be silent, make sure you also know when it is too much and when you have to speak out.

Good luck.

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