Hey everyone, it has been about a month since I went public with my problems on facebook. I think a month is long enough to judge how the people have received my issues and what their general response has come down to. Until a few days ago, I was on the fence about whether I would consider it a positive response or a negative one, but now I think I have managed to come at a decision and unfortunately I can be sure now that I regret my choice now. I regret telling about it to anyone, if I had remained silent, things may not have been any better, but I might have had an escape where now I only get harsh judgments and unhelpful advice that serve no purpose at all. I will try and list out some of the things I see a problem with, I can’t list all of them out
- People somehow think they have the magic solution: So many people have come to me to offer their piece of mind to me about what I am going through and they somehow think they have the perfect magical solution to all of my problems at once. Yoga, meditation, going to college, leaving the city. So much stuff, everything I have done before, and if I hadn’t I tried them again, but they don’t work. My problems don’t seem to have a simple solution which shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone.
- They don’t understand depression: So many educated people I met, people who are supposed to be the most educated in the society and for them, depression is still a topic which means being sad and weak. They believe it is under my control, not the other way around.
- They avoid talking to me: My depression is still a taboo for people to talk about, and hence they avoid talking to me altogether. I scare people off now, something I didn’t do before. I seem to have unfortunately become defined by my mental illness.
- The negatives outweigh the positives: I tried to be positive, but I must maintain my objectivity, I can’t fall for the trap of only looking at things positively again. So I must look at both the positives and the negatives and for every 5 people who supported me, there were about 20 more who would tell me something to harm my progress or something I hadn’t thought about. The number of people who ignored it was even more.
So all in all, I tried, tried really hard, to be positive to battle against my depression, but it all seems to have come to naught. I am still ashamed of talking about it. The people have not helped. I tried to gather the support but it doesn’t seem to work. So I apologize to those who tried helping me, there were few of you, maybe about 7 or 8 but atleast you tried to help. My blog will continue as it is, but maybe I will just be less open about my personal stuff now.