Good morning everyone. Today I welcome you to see (or read) what it is like inside my mind every minute of every day and has been like that for the past 18 months, only getting worse at times.
Imagine a room, a dark room, with no lights, no windows and only the one ray of light entering through what is supposedly a door, from which you are far far away. You know that outside that door is all the happiness you had or wish to have, all your confidence, your self respect, your dignity, and everything that makes your existence essential.
You are trapped in this room, but you don’t know who or what put you in here, you know that you just have to make a simple walk through the door but it’s not that simple. You struggle to move, to lift your body up, to co-ordinate your legs and body to get you out of this hole of darkness and after some time you just give up.
This is what the first 30-40 days of this disease were like for me, this is just a mild and soft description of what it was like for me in the first month, filled with sadness and hopelessness, guilt and self-hatred but who was to know, it was only going to get worse, for the walk that I considered simple so far is filled with booby traps and deception and when I look back, what I see is something that is assuredly going to end my life
It was then that I realized, The room I am locked in is Hell and here I am the sinner and I am Satan himself.
To be continued…