31st December 2016: I was trying to get my plans settled for the night even though I knew I wouldn’t enjoy them. I looked at the clock waiting for it to hit 12 so that I would get a relief from all the people around me somehow thinking 2017 was going to fix everything magically and being happy about it, celebrating and sharing boring stories of how their year went. It was just another day for me, made tougher by the superficial happiness which surrounded me. I didn’t expect anything to change in 2017. I didn’t think I would make it through the year. I was just drifting with the flow, waiting for the moment I would finally drown in the current.
31st December 2017: Things have changed. A lot of things have changed. 2017 didn’t fix everything. I did. I managed to make things easier than they were. I did make it to the end of the year even though I didn’t think I would. I was certain I wouldn’t. Now when I look on to the next year, I see some light. I don’t see the dark hollow trench that I used to see. My mind is in my leashes for now, I have some people I can call friends. I am trying to do something I wish would have a long lasting impact. I will remember this year as the year in which I managed to regain the hold of my life and made some important and huge changes to it.
The keys to the keyboard ended up acting like the key to my mind as it got a vent to spew out all the thoughts and assumptions it assaulted me with all times. I want this to continue for as long as I can. I will not say that I am completely normal now and that everything is going to be as rosy as in a utopia. Maybe I don’t want things to be totally like they were; I want this to have changed me, for the better but at least changed me in some ways. I know things will get bad again at some point, they will be hard and rough but now I know that at least for now, I will not have to go through any of that alone anymore.
I am trying to keep this as short as possible so I don’t want to take away your party plans or mood but I will say that this year changed me, thanks to everyone who read my blog and gave me feedback on it. More than the others, this year changed me because this was the year I finally decided that I want to change, that I wanted to get on the surface and not drown in a current and as you can see, here I am.