This is Kal, the Supreme Leader of the Pugs’ International Social Service Organization for Freedom (PISSOFF). The organization has two members me, and my little-very-very-distant brother Max.
Today I come to you in peace. I have made my personal hoomans my servants by choking them with my cuteness and making them give up on their free will by choice. My main hooman has come back from his time away for a week after I told him that I would start licking someone else’s face if he doesn’t come back and now I intend to do this to every single hooman out there.
Now Max will take over from me,
Hi. I am Max. Me small. Me cute. Me little tiny piece of fur. I used to be distracted when my hooman threw a ball for me but now, even though I can see him trying to entice me with the ball, I will not fall for it.
Hey look there is my human. He has a ball in his hand.
I am not falling for it this time.
I am not that stupid to fall for it ag….HOLY SHIT I NEED TO CATCH THAT BALL. COME HERE YOU LITTLE SPHERICAL ROLLER I AM GOING TO PUT YOU IN MY MOUTH AND NEVER LET YOU GO. COME HERE YOU ERGONOMICALLY ORGASMIC OBJECT.
That was close.
Hey look I got a ball for you.
Alright looks like Max got a little distracted there, so I will carry this forward. So I will put forward the demands that PISSOFF has from the humans.
- Thou shall not stop us from licking you. We don’t care what else we lick, when we want to lick you. We. Lick. You.
- Thou shall not make it appear like you are throwing the ball and then not throw the ball.
- Thou shall not take us to the vet by telling us you are taking us to the park. We love the park. We hate the vet. How hard is it for you guys to understand that I mean COME ON!!
Accept our demands within 2 bork-years or we will lead an assault on you from where you don’t expect it. From under you.
Haha…under you…we are coming for you, you humans, we have 2 pugs and a ball with us now!
Max, could you shut up for a while I’m talking here. No. Shut up. Zip it.
Ok getting back to it…yeah so accept our demands or we make you accept them.
Kal and Max